Annie de la Dolce

True Blood Season 5 Ep 1

All our old friends are back for the summer! Aaaaaad we jump in right where we left off, with Tara getting half her head blown off and Sookie shooting Debbie Pelt's upper body all over her kitchen.

Here are some random thoughts from the episode:

Sookie/Lafayette/Tara

• So what happened to Jesus's body? If there's any possible way to keep him on the show (maybe he's not dead??) that would be GREAT. I mean, poor Lafayette.

• Does Sookie have a drawer-full of shower curtains kinda like Don Draper has a drawer-full of lipstick-less fresh white button-down shirts?

• I'm so glad that Tara is going to have something else to do besides whine and scream and be a victim, even if it means she's a vampire that's a little ... touched. Maybe she can be Bubba? ;-)

Jason

• Okay. So Steve Newlin is a vampire. And gay. Well, we already knew the gay part.

• Looks like Jessica is all about being an emotional fuckwit these days, not to say that Jason doesn't deserve it a little. It seems like he's growing up a little bit, driving the college girl home and trying to talk to Hoyt.

• It's nice to see him and Andy Bellefleur be the odd couple.

• I really hope he has something better to do this season than be a sex-slave for the werepanthers.

Bill/Eric

• So after all the fairy dreamy love stuff from last season, Eric just writes Sookie off after he feels that she's in trouble and says, "fuck Sookie"? And then goes and bangs his sister? Eww.

• And this is why I prefer Book Eric to Show Eric. I just don't see Book Eric being so fickle.

• Though I do love Bill and Eric on a little road trip together. Can we get some bromance this season?

Sam/Werestuff

• I honestly don't care that much, though I do hope that he and Alcide become best friends. Consolidate these storylines a little.

Terry/Arlene

• Terry is always funny but I'm having trouble caring about this. What is this all about ... fires? How many episodes is it going to take to figure out ... is this the new Mavis plot line? I mean, I stopped caring about Noel from Felicity after he hooked up with his ex-girlfriend Jennifer Garner.

Although I am wondering if the Marcus he was talking about was the werewolf named Marcus that just got dug up and eaten by his mom. That would be a nice connection to the bigger picture instead of just randomly throwing characters around, like they kinda tend to do on this show.

It was overall entertaining and a little ominous what with the threat of Russell Edgington hanging over everything, so I think it would have been cooler if the episode would have ended with a James Bond song, like Mad Men.

Maybe Goldfinger?

Thunderball?

Octopussy?

Can't wait til next week. I want to see the Law&Order/Oz vampire!

 

True Blood Season 5

Summer is almost here and you know what that means! True Blood, people, and it starts up again on June 10 with season 5. Though if I'm being honest, I'm just not as psyched about it as I was last year. I'm not sure what happened, but somewhere during season 4 things just got bad. While thinking about the new season I went back and read what I wanted to happen last season, and most of it actually came true, but the execution was just off. The sad thing was, they had all the parts to make it really cool, but it just wasn't.

There might be some book spoilers here so proceed with caution.

Good things:

• For starters, there were no more viking flashbacks. We didn't have to be succumbed to looking at Alexander Skarsgaard in a horrible wig sexing up the peasant girls in any clichéd hokey memories.

• I also was hoping that they'd clean Sookie's house up which was still a wreck from season 2 and lasted throughout season 3. Having Eric buy her house while she was in the fairy realm was cunning of him since he wouldn't have to be invited inside anymore nor could he have the invitation rescinded. Well played, Northman.

• They also got rid of Sophie-Anne and made Bill the vampire king of Louisiana. This was a pretty big departure from the book and one that I loved. For one, Evan Rachel Wood didn't do Sophie-Anne any favors, she was bland and uninteresting. I also had trouble believing she was a queen because she had no real menace or charisma (things royalty need to have), unlike Russel Edgington who had it in spades. And for two, it was great to see Bill in a position of real power which brought something different to his character besides being Sookie's obsessed protector and one true love.

Bad things:

• I wanted to see Tara get a story line where she gets to be somewhat happy for once. Over the seasons her character has gone from strong-female with a chip on her shoulder to whiny victim who never stops complaining. In other words, she's depressing as hell. She's had some pretty horrible things happen to her, so why not let her be happy for a little while? It was believable that she would join up with the witches against the vampires but in the end, I wish she would have gone rogue or stayed dark instead of being manipulated into yet another horrible and diabolic plan. And what does she get in the end? She gets half of her head blown off in a season finale cliff-hanger. Either she is dead or the vampires she hates will have to save her with their blood. Poor Tara, she's the show's punching bag.

• Jason's stint as a sex slave for the werepanthers was disturbing, even for this show. And unlike the book, his bites haven't led to him becoming a panther-man during the full moon. Maybe he will eventually, maybe he won't, but I hope we never see Hot Shot meth land again or its inbred inhabitants.

• Sam's story lines have always been pretty meh, but his last one takes the cake. His new romantic interest was pretty boring and I'm not really sure what the point of it was. We got introduced to "skinwalkers" who are shifters who can shift into other humans but only if they kill someone. Tommy accidentally figures this out but in the end it doesn't matter because they killed him off. At least we can say that Ma and Pa Mickens will never be seen again as they are alligator food at the bottom of the swamp.

• Book 4 has always been my favorite in the Sookie series so I was really looking forward to seeing Eric in the romantic role for the season, but the show killed it. As in murdered it. I loved the memory-erasing spell and his hiding out in Sookie's house, but I didn't like that having Eric's mind wiped also meant that his sarcastic nature and wit was gone as well. The book at least maintained some humor with Eric's brain-warp but the show just turned him into a sad mope. And the love triangle became the last thing I wanted to see on the show (well, besides the inbred werepanthers), which is so very sad because I flew through the book to get to these parts. Sookie and Eric were sadly, totally lame, especially when they were tripping out on vampire/fairy-blood in an imaginary snowy forest complete with an animal skin-covered bed. I mean, what was that? Maybe my expectations were high but it was really a huge let down. Another reason might be because Sookie and even to a point, Eric, are more likable in the books, which is the exact opposite for Bill as he's much more likable in the show.

Okay things:

• The witches were very intriguing at first. A spanish Inquisition-era sorceress (Antonia) inhabits the body of a modern day wiccan suffering from low self-esteem (Marnie). Together they used necromancy to compel vampires to rise during the day and meet the sun, which was a really cool idea. And in the beginning it seemed like they even had a good reason for doing it, seeing as Antonia was raped and burned at the stake by vampires hundreds of years ago. But somewhere in the middle of it all things got convoluted. At first it was Antonia using Marnie's body to enact revenge but eventually it switches and Marnie traps Antonia inside of her to use her powers while she takes things to the extreme. When or why the switcheroo happened is never really answered. Also, the big hurrah really bothered me with the dead citizens of Bon Temps coming back to help defeat Marnie, mainly because Gran was really depressing, talking about how we're all alone and wearing the same nightgown she had on when she was killed. So in the True Blood universe you have to spend all of eternity in the clothes that you died in? That sucks.

• Jesus's "brujo" story also had both good and bad parts. For starters I really loved that Lafayette got to enjoy having an awesome boyfriend who was genuine and extremely good-looking for awhile. And he didn't have a hidden evil agenda, which is what I was afraid of last year because I didn't want Lafayette to turn into another tara, someone who has one traumatic event happen to them after another. And in the end that's exactly what it was, because Lafayette stabbed poor Jesus while Marnie inhabited his body. That's beyond traumatic. That's sadistic on the writer's part. Poor guy. I'm really going to miss Jesus, even his weird blue demon head that pops up during spells. I am however glad that we won't have to watch him exorcise anymore ghosts, because watching him help Mavis and her baby cross over to the other side as he cast her spirit out of Lafayette looked like one of the cheesier episodes of Ghost Whisperer.

Things I hope for:

• I hope they explain why the fairy realm looks like Joshua Tree and why all the fairies turned into trolls. Is this their true nature? Or is it an illusion?

• It looks like Chris Meloni is on board for season 5 and fans seem to be pretty excited about it. I've never watched Law & Order so I'm not that familiar with him but I hope he makes for some fun TV watching.

• At the end of last season we saw that Russell Edgington had broken free from his concrete grave in a parking garage. It will be good to have him back because he is desperately needed. No one does evil quite like Russell.

• I hope Tara is just mostly dead and not all the way dead so that she can be saved with vampire blood. I didn't really like her character that much but I didn't want her to die ... I just wanted her to have a few sentences of dialog where she's not whining. I also hope she stays for Lafayette's sake because that poor guy just lost his hot boyfriend and he can't lose his cousin too.

• The triangle between Sookie, Eric and Bill is getting tiresome. I hope they stay apart for most of the season so some of that original tension could build up and make things interesting again. Or better yet, how about having her hook up with Alcide this season. He sure could use some love after his vampire blood-addict girlfriend got her head blown off.

• I hope the secondary story lines don't bring the others down like they have in previous seasons. There are just so many people on this show and they each have their own story arcs. I hope that in the end everyone comes together to fight for the greater good, much like they did with Mary Anne in season 2.

• And finally, I hope that Jessica and Hoyt Fortenberry get back together. I just love those two.

Please tell me your thoughts on season 4 and your hopes for season 5 in the comments. I'd love to see what other people are thinking.

Because making fun of Edward Cullen is fun.

In honor of the weekend opening of Twilight: Breaking Hymen, here is a bit of an update:

One night while I was wandering around the interwebs, I came across this pic:

Brilliant.

What about the thoughts of some other vampires?

It's hard out there for a vampire these days...

Thanks a heap, Edward.

Hey, Vampire Diaries... it's so nice to see you! :-)

So one vampire series goes away (and sorry to say True Blood, I won't miss you that much)... and another one comes back. All is balanced within The Universe.

Hey, Vampire Diaries! I missed ya. You have no idea how hard it's been without you... though through your absence I started watching NBC re-runs on thursdays and discovered how funny Community is, and how great Rob Lowe is on Parks & Recreation. So, thanks!

And it's nice to know that some things never change... namely, Damon's "eye-thing" that he does.

Hi Damon's eyes! I've missed you.

So, about the show. The "ripper" thing? I don't like this. And it's not because I don't like the story and how awesome it is right off the bat... but because I feel like they just made all this shit up in the middle of last season.

What makes a "ripper" different than any other kind of vampire? They just like to rip people up more than regular vampires? If so... that's kinda lame. What makes Stefan so different from other vampires? His feelings?

He really loves to kill people and rip them up but he also has the ability to feel a ton of remorse over it and "go vegetarian" and be Mr. Zen Vampire. He's either "really bad" or "really good", there is no in-between. It's tiring.

The thing I used to like about Stefan was that he could be the "good vampire" without being totally lame like the other guys out there who channel the same archetype. I'm talking Edward, Angel... and to a certain extent, Bill. I liked that Stefan could be badass and good(ish) at the same time. Now it's just going to get ugly.

After all of this is done he's gonna be emo over this for at least half a season.

-Stuff I dug:

• Damon's longer hair. He looks good.

• Klaus's look of longing after it's clear to him that Stefan is only in this whole "ripper road trip" to keep his word. Poor Klaus looked positively heartbroken. Seems like all he wants is a real friend to enjoy killing people with. Aww, poor Klaus. I really think that deep down he's just a big puppy dog. A seriously effed up serial killer puppy dog.

• Stefan's play on Damon's "Heeeey brutha" from the very first episode. Very subtle Stefan, very subtle.

• Damon seems to be turning into a better dude since his near-fatal werewolf bite. He was actually treating Andi like a human being instead of his sex slave/personal blood-bag... even getting out of his morning bath to get his own damn champagne. Good for you Damon. Too bad Stefan killed her... that's okay though, right? Cause you've totally done that to him before (remember Lexie?)... Yeah. Brothers, such a complicated relationship.

• Caroline. She's developed into such a better character than what she was in Season 1. This is how you develop a character, writers (looking at you True Blood peeps). And can I just say that Caroline & Tyler's watered-down CW sex scene was way more awesome than any of that Eric/Sookie HBO boob-fest bullshit that we had to sit through. And that's sad. Very sad.. since TB writers probably had all the creative freedom in the world and HBO TV-MA abilities that they wanted. I am so disappointed in you, True Blood.

-Stuff that made me go... whaaa?

• Sigh... this makes me feel old. 

• Damon & Alaric's ten minute drive to Tennessee. Whatever.

• The show decided to remember that Alaric is a history teacher at this school that several of the castmembers attend. This is so lame. Alaric attends a party where his students are drinking alcohol and smoking pot? ON WHAT PLANET is this cool? I keep forgetting that most of these people are in high school. That Elena is supposedly 18 years old. That Damon is more like 30 (well, thirty + 200 some odd years)... so his obsession with her is kinda... gross. Can we just move things along a little bit? At least have these kids attending college? They are not fooling anyone. Everyone is in their 20s & 30s. And maybe I'm not sure how cool it is to have this show geared towards a "CW" demographic with all of this totally cool, nonchalant drinking/drugging/walking around naked that goes on in this "high school" show. Or maybe I'm just not used to this kind of thing. Was this the norm for Dawson's Creek? 90210? When I was really young, the only "teen" show I watched was My So-Called Life where Rayanne's drinking was kind of looked down upon. Which makes me think of how cool it would be if Ricky Vasquez showed up on The Vampire Diaries and started to tell Elena to STFU every once in awhile. How cool would that be?

Really cool.

ANYWAYS. Moving on.

• Alaric. I don't like that Alaric is sad. I want him to be happy... he's too good-looking to be sad for so long. His wife left him to become some kind of historian/lesbian vampire and eventually committed sun-suicide... his new girlfriend died a horrible death after being forced to turn... I mean, the guy needs a break. He should just move in with Elena & Jeremy full-time. They can be one big happy, weird & inappropriate family.

• Elena finding Damon's seeeeecret ripper's quest-map o death. Please, can she stop? Can she stop being like Damonyouliedtome! Waaaah! I hate it. It's old. They need something else to fight about.

• Jeremy. So far, unless his ability to see dead people can bring down Klaus and give me my Elijah back... I just don't care about his problems.

-Hopes for the future:

Thinking about Ricky made me realize that this show is sorely lacking in gay people. The Vampire Diaries needs a gay dude. Can he be Klaus? Cause that would be awesome.

...

p.s. I'm trying to get myself to write more... so these little VD re-caps are a kind of a stupid assignment I gave myself. I'm gonna say right now that I'm planning to write about every single episode. Whether or not that actually happens... well, have you met me? ;-)

 

Vampires and pirates and True Blood, oh my!

It's that time of year again... it's summer! And here in New Orleans there's only so many things you can do outside until you start feeling like you're either going to spontaneously combust or drown in the heat and humidity, melting into the ground like the wicked witch of the west. People around here have told me to try eating snowballs... to which I say... are you kidding me? They might be grand for the first couple minutes of eating them until the thing is melting into your hands, making you even sticker than you were before said failed snowball (I'm just kidding... I really do like the snowballs, especially the ones with sweetened condensed milk, I mean... genius, New Orleans... genius.)

Yeah. I think the only true respite is air conditioning. I don't even want to THINK about not having air conditioning around here. It makes me wonder how in the hell people did it before the advent of glorious and beautiful climate control. I look at paintings of antebellum New Orleans and picturesque photos of days gone by, women in long flowing dresses and men in suits and top hats and wonder how in the hell they didn't all fall down dead of heat stroke. How did the fashions of the Victorian era, in all its corsets and covered ankles, ever survive a New Orleans summer? I don't want to think about it.

But it's okay, because along with the lazy heat that summer brings, for the past few years it has also brought True Blood, my favorite show (and it just so happens that watching TV coincides with staying in the air-conditioning). It starts up again next week and I'm stoked. I'm even more super extra stoked this year because as the show progresses, each season equals one book in the Southern Vampire Series. And this season is based on my favorite book in that series, the Eric Northman & witch-centric book 4. I can't wait. I'm going into full-out geek mode over here.

The only problem is that one of the best parts about loving a show is being able to talk about it with your friends... and most (no, make that all) of my fellow True Blood-fanatic pals are back home in Ohio. Not one of my friends in New Orleans watches it or keeps up with it... and it breaks my heart. Back home in Ohio, I had plenty of people to talk about the show with... I even made vampire cupcakes for them in honor of the season 2 premier. I'm not even kidding.

See? What can I say... I'm a nerd.

But down here? I have no one. It's sad really... I was under the impression that New Orleans was into vampires. There are vampire walking tours in the French Quarter, people who dress up like vampires at The Dungeon... and hell, True Blood is even set in Louisiana. But I guess vampires are growing ever more increasingly lame and tired (thanks a lot, Twilight)... and now it seems like the cool kids in town are not vampires anymore, but pirates.

Last year for True Blood, I had to get creative because I didn't have HBO... and no, I wasn't going to "pirate" the episodes, pun very much intended. My then-roommate and I never got HBO because if we had called up the cable company and asked for a premium channel package, they would have probably caught on that we had been receiving free cable since we moved in. We didn't feel like bothering them. So last year, I watched it at the Lost Love Lounge, which was pretty awesome. They would play the show every Sunday on a big screen and you could sit and watch along with other Marigny/Bywater fans and some cold cheap Miller High Life. I actually did end up managing to talk a few of my friends into joining me with the promise of the awesome vietnamese food that they serve... and while they did love the food, I think they were pretty confused with the show. They were like... huh? The Vampire King of Mississippi is 3,000 years old and yet has a southern accent? I told them to watch the whole thing from the beginning... and then they told me to watch The Wire. It always comes back to The Wire with these people.

Whatever.

But the Lost Love Lounge was fun... I highly recommend it and will probably go back for screenings again (they've been doing it for Game of Thrones and Tremé as well), but being without HBO sucked. It left me without the ability to watch the episodes several times if I wanted to... not that I really did. Last season, for some reason, left me a bit cold (though Alcide helped... a little.)

But this year? I've got a new house, an actual legit cable subscription... and HBO. I can watch episodes of Game of Thrones, Tremé and now True Blood whenever I want. And now with that "HBO Go" app for my phone, I can watch any episode of any HBO show ever made. Why even leave the house anymore? Especially when it's so hot and we've got air conditioning? Why go to work... or eat or sleep when I can watch every episode of the Sopranos from my phone? My mind practically exploded with this discovery.

But I digress. Here are my top 10 hopes for the 4th season of True Blood (and there might be some spoilery stuff here so proceed with caution.)

1. No more viking flashbacks... please?

2. Also, please... can someone clean Sookie's house? It's been a mess since that Maryanne debacle in season 2.

3. I hope it's revealed that when Tara left town, she spent the past several months meditating in an Indian ashram, learning the ways of hope and positive thinking. Last season she was seriously depressing to watch. The poor girl needs a little happiness or power to overcome her obstacles, instead of just shutting down, lashing out or running away. So far, she's had to deal with an alcoholic mother, being zombified by a maenad, watching her possessed boyfriend get shot in the head... and then getting abducted and tortured by a psychopath vampire. Can she catch a break this season?

4. Sam... he just hasn't been that interesting lately... but I don't think that's a reason to assassinate his character. The revelation that he's got blood on his hands was jarring. As was the thought of him shooting his illiterate (albeit really annoying) brother in the back. I hope he gets some redemption, a decent storyline as soon as possible, and that we never see his horrible parents again.

5. The new kids. Every season has a few new players on the scene. Maryanne The Maenad got tiresome in season 2... but season 3 raised the bar. Russell Edgington was such an awesome character to watch. So was Franklin Mott. Now that they're gone, we need some new supernatural beings to shake things up and I hope they're just as fun. Though I'm not sure that anything could top Russell's hijacking of a news show and ripping a guys spine out on live television.

6. Can Sophie-Ann go away? I really thought she was interesting in the books, but on the show, she's ruined for me by Evan Rachel Wood. I'm sorry, she can't act. When you put her up against other guest actors like James Frain (Franklin Mott) and Denis O'Hare (Russell Edgington)... she simply cannot hold a candle. It's sad really... Sophie-Ann could have been an awesome character in the hands of the right actress. I hope Bill ends up staking her during their crouching vampire-hidden dragon cliffhanger from last season.

7. It would be awesome for Jason's storyline to not suck again this season. The whole inbred-meth-cougar town of Hotshot bored the crap out of me and made me a little angry. I felt like this was a rare case where the book-version of the story was actually much better.

8. I'm really excited for the witch stuff to develop and for Lafayette to be a part of it... but I really hope that Jesus (I really like that guy) doesn't turn out to be the "devil in a sunday hat" from Lafayette's hallucination.

9. I hope for more Jessica and Hoyt Fortenberry. I love those two... they might just be my favorite couple on television.

10. Sookie and Eric. I hope that it's as fun as it was in the books, and that's all I can say about that ;-)

So I'll be here anxiously waiting for Sunday to come. I might even make my vampire cupcakes and try to convert my Wire-loving friends again. And I think I'll need something fun to watch (since Game of Thrones is now over) before watching Tremé break my heart again like it did last week.

And if there are any fellow fan readers out there, I'm in desperate need of some True Blood friends. I would love to hear your opinions about last season and/or hopes for the new one! And how crazy was that "First 8 minutes of Season 4" teaser?

I mean... Lumbergh is Grandpa Earl? HA!

 

 

In which I ramble about the Hornets repetitive ad campaigns. Am I IN?

I get it. I was an ad/graphic design major... if you repeat something enough, it will get into people's heads (and let's face it, the Hornets need all the help that they can get). And this is only the beginning... I'm sure that by this time next year, the mere phrase "I'M IN" will send me into fits of insanity and me putting my fingers in my ears while chanting lalalalalala. The Hornets are nothing if not crafty in their marketing.

If you live in New Orleans, it's been practically impossible not to be bombarded with the new Hornets ad campaign trying to get people to buy their season tickets. It's really quite inspiring and touching actually.

Last year (and hopefully they will retire from repeating it 100 times a game) it was, "THERE'S A TICKET PLAN FOR EVERY FAN"... (on a side note, whenever my fiancé would try to watch a Hornets game during this season, I'd have to chime in at some point and remind him... "Hey! Did you know that there's a plan for every fan?!?"... and it got to the point where he'd just be like... STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I KNOW OKAY GEEZ.)

And this year, apparently the repeated phrase is "I'M IN"... while showing a whole bunch of local celebrities who are supposedly "in".

I'm all for it... I think this is a great idea. Really, anything to get away from There's a Plan for Every M-Effing Fan... and as far as the local celebrities go... they're all pretty cool. I can dig em. I think they are really excellent people to get folks to go buy those tickets!

We have the kindly Kermit Ruffins:

Those wacky 610 Stompers:

Celeb chef John Besh:

And local messiah, Mr. Drew Brees (I suppose he doesn't have much to do next year, so he's just going to go to basketball games...)

But the "local celebrity" that kind of stops me in my tracks before I hit the "buy" button on the season ticket website is this pretty mug:

Gov Bobby Jindal.

I'm sure he's a nice dude (I'm sure republicans can be nice too), but I'm not sure that this is the face to sell tickets. What gets me is that there had to be a photo shoot where they took tons of pictures of him, yet this is the one they went with. I mean, I kinda feel bad for the guy... a few years ago after an Obama speech, he made the nationally televised republican rebuttal, and was famously compared to Kenneth the Page... and now this picture of him is plastered all over Greater New Orleans. Poor dude. They really couldn't find a picture that was a little less... well, awkward?... Slimy?

I have to drive by a billboard of this (along with a pic of Mitch Landreau... republicans and democrats unite for New Orleans basketball!) everyday on the way to work... and I laugh and laugh. It's a good way to start the day really...

But what would be an even better way?

I propose they make a little change... turn the Bobby Jindal into a little something for the ladies. How bout this?

 

I'd totally "BE IN" if this ad existed. Especially if this was up on a billboard that I got to see at the start of my day on the way to work. Listen up NBA!

Talk about a local celebrity ;-)

Actually, Ian Somerhalder is from Covington, LA... and he loves the wetlands and cares about stuff... so you should really think about getting him in on this kinda thing ;-)

Bobby Jindal? Not so much...

 

Photos and all that stuff courtesy of NBA Hornets "I'm Im" website.

Running into famous people in Nola.

The weekend flew by. I barely got the chance to break in my new Netfilx account (I'm totally late to the game, I know... )

So on Friday night... this guy came into our neighborhood bar:

That's right. Emmett Cullen.

Like a 16 year old girl, I updated my Facebook status when he walked in... and when I got home I was bombarded with the same question:

"BUT DOES HE SPARKLE?!"

Answer: Nope. He didn't sparkle... because everyone knows that vampires only sparkle in the sunlight (C'mon people).

He was pale however (they are shooting in Baton Rouge).

He was working with the St Bernard Project and wouldn't take pictures due to the fact that he was drinking (and because we'd lose our hipster cred if we did such a thing at our corner bar).

But my fave brush with a famous person in New Orleans is still Jason Segel.

I like to call him my "boyfriend" a lot. If it wasn't for the fact that I don't live in L.A, don't know him personally and am, you know... in a serious realtionship with someone... he would totally be my boyfriend. I effing love that guy. I mean, he wrote a Dracula puppet musical. WHO DOES THAT? A dude who is totally rad, that's who.

My (real) boyfriend and I were having dinner at Lucy's and he says to me, nonchalantly... "Your boyfriend is sitting right over there."

I was like... eh? You're sitting right here??

He pointed. I looked over... and there was effing Jason Segel. Eating fish tacos with his pals.

I couldn't. Say. A. Word. I could only stare... and feel kind of bad that I was so obviously starstruck and kinda salivating over this dude right in front of my (real) BF.

But it's okay... because (real) BF practically made out with Drew Brees one time while at Lucy's (I'm not even kidding).

Vampire Diaries really cool quick re-cap ep 2.8

Okay. If you haven't read the books I might say a few spoiler-y things... but

OMG I think it's KLAUS!

Aaaaaand we open with

being introduced to yet ANOTHER hot vampire.

I'm shocked. There are just not enough hot people on this show.

High school (I often forget that these people don't just go to parties at the Lockwood's mansion, but they actually go to class from time to time)... it seems as though the two girls who were killed in the previous ep are being mourned. I like the continuity. I wouldn't have been surprised if the killings would have never been mentioned again... except I suppose it's meant to torture poor Tyler. Imagine that, a tortured supernatural creature.

Never seen that before.

Tyler. Poor Tyler... someone needs to tell the guy the truth. That it was not his fault.

Hot Vampire from the beginning is keeping Elena in some beautiful country house.

Okay so... kinda like how people don't understand what all the supernaturals see in Bella (you're so dazzling, Edward!) Swan? I'm kind of starting to feel that way about Elena (pouty frown) Gilbert.

Back at the school that people suddenly realized they still need to attend from time to time, they are coming up with a PLAN. To save Elena.

And they have to light candles to do it. Candles. In a classroom. In the middle of the day.

This just seems ridiculous.

But Damon is here to help.

Because. IT'S. ELENA! We must go and save her! She is the O Wanted One. Like... Bella, Sookie, Anita etc... sigh. Getting tired of it.

I will give it to this show, however... they have good tunes.

"Wolf Like Me" by TV on the Radio for when Tyler walks on screen... oh... I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. 

OMG Caroline, JUST TELL THE POOR GUY. He's breaking my heart.

Nice! You told HIM. I really love that girl this season...

Back in the middle of nowhere... they just happen to have a stately abandoned mansion...

Exposition city. Let's tell the captive EVERYTHING about our plans!

"Rose": We're giving you to this ancient vampire dude name Elijah. He's really old. He's your worst nightmare...

Apparently there are a group of vampires called "The Originals" and these guys are the only ones badass enough to scare the hell out of Katherine (or Katerina Petrova?) Also, there are "doppelgangers"... which sounds really serious. But the thing for me is, the word "doppelganger" has always been kind of silly... like "dingleberry". So the gravity of the situation is a bit lost on me, because I chuckle inside every time someone says the word "doppelganger".

Also... would these 500 year old vampires really be british? Or is that just the easiest foreign accent for American actors to speak...

And why is this guy (hot vampire Trevor) kicking books all over the place??

Seriously, I can't find a sreencap of it, but Trev spends an entire scene explaining his past with "The Originals" while kicking books around a room.

And because we have to pan back to Mystic Falls from time to time...

Awwww... Jeremy & Bonnie are kinda cute.

Bonnie pretty much figures out where Elena is... and even sends her a message via mind-paper (and of course, a candle).

Aaaand she told her dudes where to go to find her.

It's good to be friends with a witch.

Damon & Stefan road trip bonding! This is actually kinda awkward and not really that cool to see these guys drinking blood bags from straws, talking about feelings.

Back at the vacant country mansion, Elijah has finally come onto the scene. I think he might be the only un-hot vampire that this show has ever produced. Actually, he might be kind of hot... it's just that all the other vampires on this show are ridiculously good-looking... so maybe he's just un-hot by comparison.

Elijah? If you were really that old, wouldn't you be shorter?

Come'n show.

Thinking of a strategy, Damon says something like... "we might not come out alive"... (even though we are main characters on this show).

Stefan: "I can't think of a better reason to die"... sigh, oh Stefan.

IT'S. ELENA!

Back in the house Trevor begs for forgiveness from Elijah.

Not gonna happen.

Shit. He killed the newly introduced hot vampire. So long Trev..

And in come Damon & Stefan doing all kinds of swirly fast vampire stuff.

Oooooo... you just pissed off Elijah.

HOLY SHIT DAMON KILLED THAT REALLY OLD DUDE!

And awwww, Damon is so sad cause Elena ran to Stefan. Even though HE was the one who killed the really old dude.

Damon... you can come over to my house anytime you want. And if you kill a vampire (or hell, a spider) with a really big steak, I'll run right up to you and hug you tight. I promise.

Back all safe and sound in Mystic Falls. Time for hugs. And brotherly confessions.

Jeremy... the head-holding embrace is only cool with boyfriends... not bros. You're getting kinda creepy.

Stefan: "I'm sorry I forced you to turn into a vampire that one time. I just wanted my big bro to be with me."

Awwww... brothers love each other!

And poor Tyler. I used to HATE this guy. Now I'm like... come here, let me hug you!

But Caroline hugs him. Yea :-) He's not alone anymore. I like this. I like this a lot.

But we gotta end things with a bang (not a hug), so "Rose" comes around to spook Stefan a bit.

She's all like... "Dude. You've got a real problem... and his name is Klaus."

Klaus. Klaus. Klaus. Klaus... oh yeah, I am so smart.

And Stefan is all  like... "huh?"

I cannot tell you how many times I've seen this expression on my boyfriend's face... while talking to him about this show.

But then we go back to Elena's room where Damon proceeds to BREAK MY HEART by professing his love to her (but saying that his bro is the one who deserves her), and then erasing her mind so she'd forget about it.

Damon. Just.

Tear...

On a side note... do eyes really come in that color? Cause... damn.

But the really real end with a bang cliffhanger is...

Elijah is not so dead after all.

Oh. Shit. How does THAT happen?

Does he have one of those Gilbert rings... but for vampires? Like the oldest witch who ever lived made it for him?

Was she black?

~~

Final thoughts:

I'm not sure I caught what the whole "doppelganger" thing is about. Like... there's been others before Katherine? Is this like Winona Ryder/Mina Harker in Dracula?

This show continues to hold my attention like a mofo. There are like, 10 reveals in an episode... where your typical teen drama tends to have one reveal every 10 episodes.

And I'm loving this show because it's fun. I'll watch Boardwalk Empire for the cool stories and character development. I'll watch Mad Men to catch a peek of authenticity and beautiful writing (and beautiful Don Drapers), but I'll watch the Vampire Diaries because it's so. much. fun.

 

Why can't there be vampires in Hawaii?

Note the sarcasm.

 

I thought tonight that I would take a stroll down memory lane/be masochistic/yearn for a time when CBS had a line-up that I actually enjoyed.

So I watched some new CBS Show with two dudes that used to be vampires.

This guy.

And this guy.

Would have been better if they were still vampires in Hawaii, fighting crime. Not plain ole humans fighting crime.

And one hobbit son of a famous actor , who I assume... fights crime.

It looks like they filmed it here:

And it even looks like this guy is doing just fine on "the Island"... apparently he didn't drown at all.

 

Seems like it's some kind of re-make of some show that used to be on before I was born... but the theme song is so catchy/annoying/cheesy, that it's easily recognizable from the American-pop-culture collective unconscious.

And they even made poor Mick St. John say, "Book'em Danno." Sigh...

Would have much rather watched this.

So thanks CBS! Thanks for continuing to make TV shows that my mom would like. You really got her with that suave Mentalist dude too. And thanks a heap for canceling one of my favorite shows, so that Mick St. John can be a lame cop out to avenge his fathers death. I've certainly never seen anything caught on film like that before!