Annie de la Dolce

New Orleans Craigslist Khaleesi

Sometimes bad things happen in New Orleans and when you read about it or hear about it, you're not that surprised. After a few years of living here, pretty much nothing surprises you anymore. The whole "mother's day shooting" thing? It was horrifying when I heard about it ... was I surprised? No. Not really. After a certain point, you get used to hearing about shootings and robberies and street violence. And it's sad. Like, really really sad ... but true.That's the bad stuff.

However, on the other hand, you hear about absolutely wacky things happening around here and it becomes unsurprising as well. And that's the good stuff. When I first moved here, I might have thought it was a little strange to see someone dressed up like Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo on a Wednesday ... in April. But now? Old hat.

Nothing surprises me anymore.

So it definitely should not have surprised me that while carousing through my favorite "Game of Thrones" blogs (I'm obsessed), I happened to stumble upon a Craigslist ad looking for a little Westeros role-playing, and lo and behold, the seeker happened to be from New Orleans.

Of course it's from New Orleans. Why wouldn't it be from New Orleans?

No one does fantasy quite like we do here in the Crescent City. Though, I can't for the life of me begin to understand having the sort of disposable income that allows you to purchase a $30,000 replica of the "iron throne" (and $1,800 for shipping), but that's another matter entirely.

But somewhere in New Orleans is a Khaleesi looking for her own Robb Stark. Do y'all know anyone who looks like this guy?

If so, please refer them to this ad:

And while Robb Stark is an excellent choice, and of course ... to each their own, but why not Jon Snow? He's probably tired of women telling him that he doesn't know anything. I mean, he obviously knows a lot.

Or Jaime Lannister? Sure, the incest thing is kind of a turn-off and the whole having one hand thing would take some getting used to ... and yeah, he did push a kid out of a window. But he's so dreamy!

Or hell, even poor Gendry?

I suppose, however, when you're the "Mother of Dragons", you get to do what you damn well please. Especially if you have your own iron throne.

 

Awesome Moms

Ever since I moved several states away from my mom and dad, holidays dedicated to parents tend to depress me. And so Mother's Day is this weekend and I wish I could do so much more for my mom than give her a phone call and send flowers (along with some macaroons from Sucre, of course). I wish that several hundred dollars would magically appear in my lap so that I could buy a plane ticket to go see her.

Since I'm about 99.99999% sure that is not going to happen, I've decided to drown my sorrows in a few throwback TV episodes from my childhood that features awesome moms. But as I was thinking about great mothers from shows that I grew up watching, I realized that there's no shortage of cool dads on TV, but there's really only a handful of all-around awesome moms. A lot of moms are written as nagging control-freaks (like Jill on "Home Improvement" or Patty on "My So-Called Life") ... and then the others are basically just stock characters, representing traditional gender roles and the "natural" nurturing perfect housewife a la "Leave it to Beaver" or "The Brady Bunch".

More often than not, it seems that if a woman wanted to have an interesting personality in a TV role, she had to be single, like Mary Tyler Moore. If you were a mom, you were either a nag or stamped out of a cookie cutter.

Here are a few of my favorite TV shows that had moms who pushed the envelope a bit:

Family Ties

I grew up thinking that the Keatons were an ideal couple. For one, they lived in Columbus, Ohio ... and for two, they were both hippies back in the day, with Elyse being a liberal feminist. Also, I wanted her to be my mother-in-law one day because I had a huge crush on her son, Alex P. And can I just say that, wow, do a girl's tastes change over the years. I went from being in love with a clean-cut short republican (and a fictional character to boot), to preferring shaggy tall liberal types.

Golden Girls

I still watch The Golden Girls and could probably quote whole episodes verbatim. My grandmother and I used to watch the show every Friday night and it's interesting to go back and watch them again as an adult to see everything that went right over my little head. All four ladies were moms and grandmothers, but my favorite was always Dorothy because of her deadpan comments and sarcasm. Also, she can make me bust out laughing just by raising her eyebrow to one of Rose's S. Olaf stories.

Roseanne

Roseanne was awesome because it actually seemed like a "normal" family, a working-class family scraping by and hilarity ensues. I also loved the show because my grandma had the exact same crotchet blanket as the one draped across the Connor's couch. I remember when the show came out, Roseanne was considered to be totally over-the-top vile and unfeminine, but now if you go back and watch the show, it seems pretty mild in comparison to some of the things we're used to these days. Her role as a mom and wife wasn't tightly woven with being attractive and traditional. I dug that.

Dr. Quinn

When I was a kid, "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman" was my favorite show. If there's anyone who was progressive, it was Dr. Quinn. She was a doctor in 1870's as well as an adoptive mother to her best friend's three kids ... and she stood up for everyone, even Walt Whitman when he came to town. She also treated Johnny Cash and Kenny Rogers ... how awesome is that? Plus, she married that total hottie Sully.

Lucille Bluth

"Arrested Development" obviously wasn't on when I was a kid, but I had to give Lucille Bluth a shout-out because while she's the matriarch of a seriously deranged family, she's also one of my favorite characters ever in the history of me watching television. I can't express how excited I am that the show is coming back. If she doesn't do her version of the chicken dance, I'll be sorely disappointed.

Claire Huxtable

Clair Huxtable had to have been magic. She's the very definition of "having it all" ... something that my generation of fellow-women were brought up to think we'd be able to have, but no one actually explained to us how impossible it would be. Clair made it look so easy. She was a highly successful lawyer and the wife of a seriously awesome and funny doctor who loved her and respected the hell out of her. She also had five children and lived in a beautiful brownstone in NYC. And she spoke fluent spanish. Plus, she did all of this while being gorgeous and not looking at all like she was old enough to have an adult-aged child like Sandra. Also, the woman was sharp as a tack with some serious wit ... she's the one who first taught me about feminism while firing back at Elton's (Sandra's boyfriend at the time) sexist comments. Yep, I still want to be Clair Huxtable when I grow up.

My mom

Seriously though, setting all of these fictional characters aside, my real-life mom is seriously amazing. She's the kindest and one of the strongest and most beautiful women I've come across in this lifetime. I somehow won the parents jackpot for my time here on planet Earth. My mom supported every crazy idea I had in my head (and there were many) and also let me pick out my own clothes when I was little, which is probably why the kids at school thought I was a little weird, but that's cool. She allowed my brother and I to embrace our eccentricities, and I appreciate that so much because it helped me to really know who I am.

I wish I could go back to Ohio to see her for Mother's Day, but since that doesn't seem to be in the cards, I'll just have to say Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Love you, meant it.

I hope all the moms out there have a great time this weekend!

The ten commandments of how to survive Jazz Fest

The New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival is just around the corner so I've compiled a list of things to do to make your experience as pleasant as possible. I've been to a lot of music festivals in my day and have learned a lot of the tricks of the trade from camping fests like Bonnaroo to more civilized hotel-staying ones like Lollapalooza. And while they are exhausting and crowded and hot ... they're absolutely worth it for the amazing music, food and friends. Here is what I've learned over the years.

1. Though shalt ride your bike.

If you can swing it, ride your bike (all the cool kids are doing it). It's so much easier and convenient to find a place for your bike than it is to find a parking spot for your car. The streets are absolute madness at Jazz Fest (well, they kind of always are in New Orleans), so I ride my bike from the Bywater every year. It's the only way to go as far as I'm concerned. If you're staying in a hotel, cab it. Riding your bike also allows you to explore the neighborhood before you go through the gates and buy some homemade lemonade (if you go on May 4th, it will be Lemonade Day, so make sure to help a kid out). Or, you know, buy some jello shots.

2. Though shalt protect yourself from the sun.

Don't wear black, you'll regret it. The sun will bake you. Also, if you wear a shirt with no sleeves, make sure to sunscreen the hell out of your shoulders. In fact, you might want to take a little bottle with you to re-apply frequently. The worst sunburn of my life happened at a music festival, so I'm obsessively careful about being out in the sun. Also, bring your sunglasses and if you have one, a big floppy hat. It will keep the sun out of your eyes, plus they just look cool.

3. Though shalt not drink too much.

Don't get wasted, it's not worth it. For one, you don't want to be so drunk that you can't enjoy the music, and for two, you don't want to be so drunk that you've turned into that obnoxious guy that never fails to stand right next to me and spill beer all over my sun screened shoulders. Also, if you drink too much, you run the risk of getting dehydrated and when you mix that with being out in the sun, it's a recipe for feeling extremely shitty when you get home. If you're going to drink a lot, you should also drink a lot of water.

4. Though shalt make some tough decisions.

It's inevitable that you're going to miss a few of the shows that you want to see. For example, on May 5th, The Black Keys go up against Hall & Oates. I suggest that you just find a good spot and park there for the whole set. If you were to split it up, you'll miss half of the shows just trying to get through the crowds to the other stage. For me, I think I'm going to watch Hall & Oates, just because I'm going through a strange 80's phase right now, and also because I've already seen The Black Keys a few times. Festivals are great when you can sing along with the songs and really get into the spirit of the music, so I'm looking forward to singing some "Private Eyes" and "Maneater".

5. Though shalt soak in some local talent.

As Jazz Fest gets bigger and more popular every year, New Orleans attracts bigger and bigger artists. This is all really cool, but at the end of the day you're attending the Jazz & Heritage Festival. So make sure to hang around the smaller stages a little bit and listen to some good local tunes. Also, the Gospel Tent is a good little respite from the sun as well as some interesting music that you don't hear every day.

6. Though shalt brave the port-o-potties.

If you're a girl, I'm sorry, because festivals like this suck for us when it comes to using the loo. Those port-o-potties that bake in the sun all day are gross gross gross. And to make matters worse, guys go in there and don't seem to care enough to aim properly. Don't be that guy! I always take a little travel pack of toilet paper or wipes with me. Also, a tiny bottle of hand sanitizer. It makes me feel better.

7. Though shalt go in a group.

Music festivals are the most fun when you go with a group of people. That way, after you've settled and found your spot, someone can stay behind and watch the stuff. Also, it's nice to have people to split the cost of beer with, because that is expensive. Also, you need people to dance with and sing along to tunes with, it makes for the ultimate experience to share it with friends.

8. Though shalt bring something to sit on.

I tend to forget this one and I'm always facepalming when I realize I forgot a blanket. On the Jazz Fest website they have a very long list of things you can't bring, but there are a few things that are kosher. You can bring a blanket, a small backpack and fold-out chairs. I have some handy fold-out chairs that you can wear like a back-pack so I can carry them with me on my bike. They're nice to have because while sitting in the grass is fine, it can get uncomfortable.

9. Though shalt wear comfortable shoes.

Shoes are important. Don't wear anything that can cause blisters from walking around all day. If you wear sandals or flip-flops, be careful of people stepping on your feet. If you're the kind of person who likes to get up at the very front, you probably don't want to wear sandals because you'll get trampled on.

10. Though shalt eat the FOOD.

Save some room for the amazing food, you guys. It's one of the best parts of Jazz Fest ... there's just so much good food to choose from. The thing that is probably the most popular is the famous crawfish bread, but for the past few years I've been nomming on some killer crawfish enchiladas. Also, there's nothing like a big cup of fresh squeezed lemonade to drink in the sun. Absolute bliss.

Also, and this goes without saying but make sure to have lots of fun! Just be safe out there.

If you have any good tips of your own, please share them in the comments.

Happy Jazz Fest everyone!

Sacred Archetypes of The Boil

Having been in New Orleans for a few years now and after having married a Louisiana native, I've had the privilege of being the guest at many an awesome boil, as well as having a couple of my own. And after going to a particularly festive boil on Sunday, complete with Doctor Bob-painted crawfish tables, I started thinking of a few patterns that I've noticed at these Big Easy spring rituals.

Just as we always have the archetypal "jock", "virgin" and "stoner" in a horror movie ... we also tend to have the same kind of typical people at a crawfish boil, though a little different. Here are just a few:

The Boiler

In my experience, The Boiler has been exclusively and entirely male. He's "The Dude", the one who is large and in charge ... and he has taken upon himself a great and daunting task ... perhaps the greatest of all crustacean tasks, for all eyes are on him to cook up perfectly seasoned and tasty crawfish and all the fixins. If he fails, everyone will know about it and probably talk about it for years. Also, all those crawfish that were supposed to be tasty would have died in vain, which is unimaginable to a Louisianan. Yes, the heat is on this guy. I've only been to one crawfish boil where the crawfish were criminally underseasoned and I've vowed never to reveal the identity of the guilty party. Usually, The Boiler is a gracious and affable fellow who just loves to cook and make people happy with his food, but occasionally you can get a boiler who is insufferable in his braggadocio and smug feeling of superiority over other boilers. A boiler should be careful to remain "a man of the people" and not let his ego run away with him. Also, we really need to get more women on board here. I have not witnessed one woman be The Boiler and I feel that this is a travesty as some of the best cooks I know are women. It's just that usually where there is fire ... there is a circle of men, which brings us to ...

The Boiler's Minions

These are the pyromaniacs who feel the primordial pull to stand around a heat source, in this case a propane tank. I'm not quite sure why, because you can never really hear anything over the windy sound of crawfish boiling, but one way or another, there are always a group of dudes standing around, beer in hand, trying their best to look as if they're being helpful ... which leads us to the one that is being most-decidedly unhelpful ...

The "Expert"

This guy always knows everything about anything and he has to tell you all about it. Like, he uses a combination of oranges and lemons instead of just plain ole lemons. Or he tells you that throwing in onions whole is better than cutting them up ... or that you're not using enough salt. Or that the sausage you bought is crap. Or that it's best to boil crawfish when the moon is waxing and you have to dance around the pot three times. Whatever it is, you're doing it wrong when he could be doing it right. This person sucks.

The Virgin

Since I'm a transplant myself and am friends with a lot of transplants, there's usually a virgin in our midst. I have been The Virgin and in many ways am still a novice. The Virgin will probably eat a lot more corn (my personal fave) and potatoes than they will crawfish. Most of their time is spent getting into the groove and figuring out what to peel, what to eat, and what to throw away. They'll make faces and they might need some time to build up the nerve to approach the table. When they start peeling, they don't know that the yellow stuff is actually really good and they'll spend too much time trying to fling it off their fingers. They will be grossed out by the "vein" and they'll probably stand around looking really awkward. It's okay. I've been there. Actually, I probably still look pretty awkward because I'm usually the one loading up my tray with corn-on-the-cob and when people look at me weird, I just say, "I like corn. I'm from Ohio."

The Instructor

These are the people who attach themselves to the virgins because they have the perfect peeling technique down and they are just dying to show you. Sometimes they are the exact same person as "The Expert" and are really annoying. Other times they are actually very helpful and cool and patient ... though they'll still laugh at you if you put the whole tail in your mouth without peeling it and start crunching away (I say this because I have witnessed it.)

The Drinker

This person has spent all their time waiting for the crawfish to get done by drinking too many Strawberry Abitas. They're no longer hungry when the food is ready so they just keep drinking ... and they usually pass out before the sun goes down.

The Babysitter

These poor folks are usually moms with small children who can't enjoy a good crawfish boil because they're spending most of the time peeling crawfish for the kids or cutting up sausage into bite-size pieces. They also make sure to stay sober enough to make sure kids don't start playing around the propane tank or sticking their hands inside coolers full of live crawfish ... or running into traffic.

The First-Responders

These are the people who feel a Darwinian urge to chow down. Survival of the fittest. They make a mad dash to the table as soon as the first batch is dumped out and grabs the choicest sausage, vegetables and biggest crawfish. They'll knock down children and trample over Grandma. They take this shit seriously. They are here to EAT, damnit. 

The "Laissez Bon Temps Roulers"

The ones who have got all this down. They like to sit back in their lawn chairs and soak up the sun. They might bring the beer or the ice, but they have no desire to be in charge, they just want to chill and enjoy the day. They usually wait until The First-Responders have dispersed and casually load up their plates with medium-sized crawfish and vegetables ... or they wait until the second or third batch when the crawfish are usually more seasoned and spicier, i.e., better. They pace themselves and enjoy the good conversation.

Most people in their New Orleans lives will play several of these roles, and some only one or two. Are you a drinker? A babysitter? Or are you a laid-back attendee?

Whatever you are, I hope you enjoy many awesome and plentiful boils this season. Let the good crawfish times roll.

 

 

March Madness: Quintessential New Orleans Edition

Here we are knee deep into March Madness and I think I still have a chance to win my workplace bracket challenge (Go Buckeyes!). And it's also fun for nerds like me to indulge in fake March Madness brackets like 80's vs. 90's or Star Wars characters. So I thought it would be cool to make up a little bracket of my own. The quintessential New Orleans bracket. Just for fun.

Here's what I came up with:

"Culture/Current Events" Region

Saints vs. Hornets (or Pelicans ... the least intimidating name ever)

Sure, this is a no brainer and kind of unfair (sort of like that Louisville/CSU game), but of the two major sports teams in New Orleans, who wins? 

 

Brass Bands vs. Bounce

What modern New Orleans-cultivated musical genre gets your toes tapping? Or your booty shakin'?

 

Running of the Bulls vs. Red Dress Run

Which summer running event gets your butt out of bed early on a Saturday morning, all while simutaneously drinking copious amounts of beer and wearing red?

 

2-day Boil Alert vs. Superbowl Superdome outage

In the category of "Because... New Orleans", which is your favorite 2013 gaffe that had you shaking your head? Was it the two-day boil alert after a fire broke out at the water/sewage plant, cutting off the city's water supply for 20 minutes? Or was it the power going out in the Superdome while the whole world watched?

 

Hubig's Pies vs. The Daily Times-Picayune

Which absent New Orleans icon has left a deeper void in the soul of this city? 

Who Dat! vs. Stella!

Which is the better phrase to randomly shout while walking down the streets of The Big Easy? 

A Confederacy of Dunces vs. Interview With The Vampire

One book is arguably a work of literary genius and the other put our society's modern obsession with vampires on the map. Which iconic literary work set in New Orleans wins our hearts? 

Treme vs. Frank's Place

Actually, since David Simon famously doesn't like his TV shows associated with fake March Madness brackets, I think the beloved, but rather short-lived, "Frank's Place" should automatically win. What do you think?

 

"Food/Drink" Region

Gumbo vs. Jambalaya

Both are one-pot meals that use much of the same ingredients, albeit in different ways. Which do you prefer, roux or no roux?

Emeril Lagasse vs. John Besh

Both mega-chefs have multiple restaurants in town and countless TV appearances under their belts. Which one still has the authentic New Orleans energy and which one has tipped over the edge of overexposure? 

Willie Mae's Scotch House vs. Dooky Chase's

Which Treme treasure are you more willing to stand in a long line for?

King Cake Season vs. Crawfish Season

We're always happy when these seasons come around, but which one are you the saddest to see go? Do you feel like puking up multi-colored sprinkles after your 235th piece of King Cake during Carnival season? Or do you ever come down with crawfish-boil exhaustion? 

BBQ Shrimp vs. Roast Beef Po-boy

If you had to pick one po-boy to have for the rest of your life, would it be roast beef? Or the famed BBQ shrimp?

Satsuma vs. Mirliton

New Orleans has taken a lovely citrus fruit and a pear-shaped squash as its own. Which one do you prefer? (I know I love me some mirliton bread from the Mirliton Festival)

Hand Grenade vs. Hurricane

Probably the two most famous drinks of the French Quarter, and the quickest way to forget your troubles, as well as the whole evening for that matter. Pick your poison. 

Sno Ball vs. Daiquiri

What's the better way to cool off during the sweltering summers of the deep South? The wholesome concoction of shaved ice and flavored syrup? Or a more grown-up drive-thru daiquiri? 

 

"People" Region

Lestat de Lioncourt vs. Eric Northman

Which Louisiana-based tall blond vampire would you fancy hanging around the French Quarter with? The 18th century french nobleman, or the 1,000 year old viking? This is a seriously tough decision. Kind of like Duke vs. Michigan State. I mean, who do you choose??

Marie Laveau vs. Jean Lafitte

Both are mysterious historic figures that tour guides love to tell stories about to tourists. Which one was the most mythic? The most legendary? The rogue pirate who operated out of what's now the most picturesque bar on Bourbon St, Lafitte's Blacksmith House, or the iconic Voodoo priestess who still receives offerings from her tomb at St. Louis Cemetery No.1?

Kermit Ruffins vs. Trombone Shorty

Who's your fave Big Easy horn player? 

Drew Brees vs. Brad Pitt

Which benevolent spirit is more worthy of being crowned the Messiah of the Crescent City? Is it Brad Pitt, Mr. Louis de Pointe du Lac and Benjamin Button himself, who built eco-homes for displaced citizens of the Lower 9th ward? Or Drew Brees, who won us a Super Bowl? Your pick. 

Louis Armstrong vs. Jelly Roll Morton

Which legendary jazz man is more quintessentially New Orleans? 

Sean Payton vs. Les Miles

This is another one of those match-ups that might not be that fair, but you never know. Who's the underdog of this competition ... the recently reinstated coach of the New Orleans Saints? Or Les Miles, the coach who lost the Chicken Bowl? Heh. 

Edwin Edwards vs. Huey P. Long

In the category of "beloved crooked Louisiana politician" ... who's run at Governor reigns supreme? The man who has a really scary bridge named after him? Or the guy who is about to star in his own reality TV show with his 50+ years younger wife?

Trent Reznor vs. Anne Rice

Which 90's New Orleans icon has still left their stamp on the city even after they've moved away  ... Anne Rice and her Vampire Chronicles and Mayfair Witches? Or Trent Reznor and his dark, sexy industrial music?

 

"Places/Events" Region

Mardi Gras vs. Halloween

Which event do you look forward to for months, thinking up concepts for costumes sometimes years in advance? Both seasons last for weeks down here, and it's hard to choose which exactly is more fun. Perhaps this one will end in a tie. 

Royal Street vs. Julia Street

Both are great streets for viewing art and touring galleries, but which do you prefer? Julia Street and it's "White Linen" night? Or Royal Street and its self-proclaimed less pretentious "Dirty Linen" night?

Swamp Tour vs. Haunted Tour

On what tour did your parents have more fun while they visited? Tales from the dark side, or a tour featuring throwing marshmallows at gators? 

Jazzfest vs. Voodoo Fest

You might think this would be no contest but lately Jazzfest has been losing a bit of steam, getting more and more crowded, expensive and strangely less jazzy ... while the dark horse Voodoo Fest might be gaining points just for having more trees and therefore, much more prime real-estate in the form of SHADE. 

Bourbon Street vs. Frenchmen Street

Which famed street is still fun to go to, y'all? 

City Park vs. Audubon Zoo

Where do you like to take the kids on a nice spring day ... to City Park and its fairytale "Storyland"? Or to the zoo to see the heffalumps and woozles?

Westbank vs. Northshore

Here in New Orleans, you have the Mississippi River and Lake Pontchartrain and on the other side of these bodies of water (and over some crazy bridges) are communities that are near and dear to the heart of New Orleans. Is the West Bank the best bank? Or is the North Shore where it's at?

Freret St. vs. Magazine St.

Where are you more likely to be on a lazy Sunday afternoon for a little shopping, eating and escaping tourists? The tried and true Magazine? Or the up and coming Freret?

So there we have it. Phew! Feel free to leave picks in the comments and as always, Go Buckeyes!

Road Trip.

I'm writing this week from un-sunny Ohio, my homestate that I haven't been back to in far too long. I think that no matter how long you spend living in a place, you will always be a product of where you grew up. And for me, there will always be a part of me that kind of loves dark and dreary days and piles of snow. I might have complained about it while living in it, but after being in New Orleans for years, sometimes if there's too many days in a row of sunshine, I'll secretly wish it would rain. I know that sounds really weird, but it's true.

But it's been a year since I've been back. My husband and I decided to take a little road trip for our first anniversary and we drove through Tuscaloosa (so he could give the evil-eye to Alabama while sporting Purple & Gold), Nashville and bourbon country, the landscape gradually changing from swampland and their top-heavy trees to rolling hills and chillier air. It had been a year since visiting Ohio, but it had been even longer since I'd gone on a proper road trip, usually hopping on a plane instead in order to squeeze as much time as possible into my destination. But I think a lot of the time, you short-change yourself taking a plane. You miss out on all the good stuff in-between. All the potential spontaneous adventures you never knew you were going to have.

The first thing we did when we came back to Ohio was have a mini-crawfish boil with my parents. We brought Louisiana to Ohio by bringing up a few pounds of boiled crawfish in a cooler (ice chest). There wasn't any way we could feasibly drive with live crawfish, but figured we could steam them to reheat them. We also had a pot to boil corn, potatoes and sausage with plenty of spices and salt to make sure we had all the necessary components. It wasn't exactly like a real boil, but was about as close as you could get in Ohio.

It was also fun watching my Louisiana born and bred husband teach a bunch of Ohioans how to peel the little suckers, although I had to further instruct them on pulling out the vein. I know a lot of purists (like my husband) leave it all in tact, but I couldn't let my parents and their friends eat them without letting them in on what it was. I don't think we could get anyone to suck the heads though, which I think comes with a little experience. I remember having to work up to that particular practice, but now I do it without even thinking.

The funniest thing though, was watching my cousin mistake the head for the tail, try to peel the head ... and then eat whatever was in the head. Sometimes you just can't stop these things from happening. I know my husband had a pretty good laugh over it.

One of the things we debated about was how much crawfish to bring. My husband likes to overestimate because he can sit and eat them all day, but I knew if we brought a ton that we'd have a million left-over crawfish to peel because there's no way a bunch of newbies are going to eat that many.

(my mom's reaction to crawfish ... you can see the claws on the top left)

Plus, my mom only ate one. Like, one crawfish tail. See, my mom kind of hates seafood. Actually, when I told my New Orleans mother-in-law about this, she looked at me like I'd just said the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. Like I told her my parents were aliens or something. And I suppose to a Louisianan, someone not liking seafood is pretty alien-like. But my mom is from New Mexico in a very land-locked area, and she grew up eating beans and tortillas. The fact that she actually even tried a crawfish tail was pretty amazing.

And in the end, even though we scaled way back what we would have bought for the same amount of people in New Orleans, we still had a lot left over. Of course, all the corn was gobbled up first, as this is Ohio we're talking about ... and then all the sausage. Seriously, I know this might sound weird, but the best sausage is that Rickey Jackson smoked sausage. My family now wants me to bring piles of it up from New Orleans whenever I come home for a visit.

All left-overs are now being peeled for my dad to make some crawfish fettuccine at a later date.

The other thing that was a hit?

All this moonshine. The apple pie moonshine is the best thing ever.

And when we drive back to New Orleans in a few days, I'll be bringing back with me bits of Ohio. We'll of course be taking a few 6-ers of Yuengling with us as well as some cans of Skyline chili for some of my fellow Ohio transplants and maybe a new Ohio State Buckeye shirt. Or two. And maybe a new Ohio State Buckeye blanket, koozy and travel mug. And an Archie Griffen poster for the hallway.

Just kidding. I doubt my husband would let me take all this Buckeye stuff past the Ohio River.

The great thing about road trips though, is being able to bring whatever you want, to and from. The best of both worlds. The little pieces of the home that you grew up in and the little pieces of the home that you've adopted.

 

Hibernation meditation.

My life hasn't been too exciting lately which is how I'm liking it. I've entered a sort-of "post-Super Gras/Carnival" hibernation to kind of recoup after so much craziness. And I think it's just an instinct I've developed from growing up in Ohio, where February is usually a month when you stay inside and hang out in cozy hoodies and make pots of chili to help warm you up. Seriously, the most exciting thing I've done this past week is go out and buy a new vacuum cleaner.

And I'm enjoying this time of solitude because I'm sure that very soon, Spring will be in full bloom and we'll be having 80+ degree days with festivals and happenings every weekend. Nothing stays quiet for long around here.

But usually during bouts of stillness, my thoughts start wandering all over the place. Here is the stuff that's been on my mind:

1. Gentrification.

I feel like my neighborhood is going a little crazy and I'd like it to stop. Kind of like Apple or Adobe technology ... can't we just be happy for a little while with the way things are? Like, I really love my iPhone 4 ... did we really need a 5 so soon? Is the 6 coming out next month? Why do we have to go and "improve" things so damn often? And is it really all that much of an improvement anyways?

There's so many projects going on ... so many restaurants opening up. Which is great! Don't get me wrong, I love food. But there's no parking and the neighbors are fighting each other over the last available spots. It's mayhem (slight exaggeration).

And, okay, great ... it's cool that I've seen famous Hollywood actors spill their beer at Markey's while simultaneously being on the cover of GQ Magazine, but it would also be cool if the Bywater stayed a nice cozy little enclave of the artistically-inclined working-class. I feel like it's kind of getting out of hand around here. Houses are selling for like, $500,000 ... but there are still people getting mugged daily and cops getting shot across the street. It's like a cross between "Hipster Disneyland" and "The Walking Dead". Like, all in one day "Treme" films on my street and there's fancy-pants peeps walking around and hanging out at craft service tables ... but then I get in my car to run an errand, and on my way to Walgreens, there are literally pan-handlers on every single street corner begging for money. It makes me think that's what it must be like to drive through a zombie horde.

It seriously keeps me up at night. Zombies scare the shit out of me.

2. Anniversary.

I'm coming up on my first anniversary. Of being married. And it kind of feels like we got married yesterday. Wow, that year went by fast. And what are you supposed to get your spouse for your first anniversary? Paper. I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do with that?

Here honey, I love you ... here's some paper. Let's stay together forever.

Here are some things I am thinking about getting him:  Subscription to ESPN the Magazine. Oragami. Poster for a Jason Statham movie. Tickets to see They Might Be Giants (we sadly missed out on Kid Rock last week ... damn). An autobiography of a UFC fighter (has any of them even written one?)

This is all I have so far and none of them are screaming "really meaningful first-anniversary gift for my one true-love" out at me.

3. Television.

OMG, you guys, new episodes of "Duck Dynasty" are starting this week. 

I'm starting to think up a recipe to rival Uncle Si's very special ice tea, just for the occasion.

 

Muddling throught the post-Carnival blues ...

Happy Lundi Gras! We're in the race to the finish, ya'll. The homestretch. The climax of Carnival season.

This is Mardi Gras number 4 for me as a New Orleanian and a lot has changed since my launch into virgin territory. For one, I now know that you are supposed to dress up in a costume. In year number one, I had no idea and felt like the only idiot in the French Quarter wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Also, like many of you I'm sure, I've learned how to pace myself ... accepting the inevitability that I can't attend every single parade or event and still be able to function like a human being.

But the thing I'm still learning how to get over is the post-Carnival blues. For me, moving to New Orleans was the cure for the post-holiday blues that is so prevalent in other areas of the country. We have the fortune of living in an area that celebrates for weeks and weeks after New Years, so we really don't have much time to miss all the holiday cheer from December.

But for the past few years, on Ash Wednesday, I've been met with a sinking feeling in my stomach that says, "Well ... now what?" After all the costume-planning and friends visiting from out of town and all the parades are over ... after the stroke of midnight on Mardi Gras Day ... how do we all cope with the cold hard truth that Carnival is over?

Here are the things that I intend to employ in my life to help muddle through the dark times ahead:

• Get some exercise and some sleep. One of the big reasons for post-carnival-seasonal-depression, I'd imagine, is that all the drinking we tend to partake in during the endless parties probably contributes to serotonin depletion in the brain. It's time to start running again and get those endorphins going. Get back to yoga class for a nice bodily reset. A realignment. And get some actual sleep ... not the few hours you've been getting while staying up all night, getting a few hours of rest and then getting up early again for the parades. It's an exhausting rinse and repeat. We need some serious REM cycles and hours of sleep to get back in the groove.

• Eat Healthy. I'll be drinking my trusty green smoothies every day for some much-needed nutrients after subsisting on king cake and Frito's for two weeks.

• Enjoy the fact that king cakes are going away for quite awhile. I mean, we all love it when they come back around, but I'll be very glad not to have anymore internal battles with myself while hovering over yet another glittery cake at work ... "should I or shouldn't I? Oh hell, it's carnival, why the hell not!" And 25 king cakes later ... you never want to see one again. Until next Twelfth Night, king cake!

• Be thankful for the mild weather. Revel in the knowledge that even though Mardi Gras is over and it kind of sucks ... at least you don't have to deal with the snow and ice like other parts of the country. Believe me, it sucks having to clean that stuff off your car every morning. Snow is cute in December ... it's extremely tiresome in February and March.

• Get back into the swing of things. I feel like I've been neglecting basic daily routines, like laundry. And I've been eating on paper plates because all my nice ones haven't been unloaded from the dishwasher in about a week. I plan on taking a few days to do a little pre-spring cleaning. Clear out the cobwebs ... and sweep up all the random glitter and bits of feather boas strewn about my house.

• Take stock of all the Mardi Gras throws you've acquired. I usually like to keep one or two special favors, but I'm a bit of an anti-hoarder. If something doesn't serve a purpose in my house, it goes splitsville. I have a nice collection of light-up rings from all the Muses parades I've been to and I like to keep the "fine china" that I catch to replace the older busted cups from years past, but everything else usually goes. As for the beads, I like to put a few strands on my gate outside, but I usually end up giving them away to someone who has plans to ride in a future parades or you can donate the beads to charity.

• Take a break. I'll be giving my liver and brain cells a much needed break from Miller Lite and whatever random daiquiris I've been partaking in. I'll be abstaining from adult beverages for a little while (actually, I'll just stick to wine ... but for purely medicinal purposes. Of course.)

• Worry not. Even though Mardi Gras will be over, this is New Orleans. There is always something to look forward to on the horizon ... from crawfish boils to Jazz Fest to catching cabbages at the St. Patrick's Day parade, things are never quiet around here for long. Enjoy it.

Happy Mardi Gras, everyone!

 

 

My favorite Louisiana reality shows.

Have you ever noticed that there seems to be a lot of reality shows set in and around Louisiana? It seems like there's an endless array of programs with interchanging words like "swamp" and "pawn" and "cajun". Sometimes it's hard to know what's worth watching and what is just one network trying to copy off of a popular theme. Is "Swamp Pawn" better than "Cajun Pawn Stars"? Are the "Bayou Billionaires" as cool as the "Duck Dynasty"? These are some important questions for the pelican state.

I myself probably watch too much reality TV. I like to try to convince myself that I watch the "good" kind of reality shows like the Top Chef or Project Runway, or the ones that win emmys ... instead of those "low-brow" reality shows like "Kim and Kourtney Take Wherever" ... but truth be told, I have no right to throw stones. I admit it, I watch "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". Though sometimes I'm convinced that they are actually a family of comedic geniuses in an Andy Kaufman sort of way.

Anyways, I spend a lot of my time on the computer as I'm a freelancer. And to feel comfortable, I always need something going on in the background. I can't work in complete silence, it's just unnerving ... so I got into the habit of just turning on A&E or some other mindless TLC or Bravo reality show just to have a little background noise. After awhile, I started noticing that a good portion of these shows are actually set nearby, due to the awesome tax breaks. Here are my favorites:

• Swamp People (History Channel)

I feel like most reality shows are only great for their first few seasons, before everyone gets too famous. And I'm beginning to think that "Swamp People" might have "jumped the gator" (sorry, I couldn't help it), but it's still the most entertaining of the "swamp" genre. It also has the best production value. Sometimes I'll just watch for all the gorgeous shots of the bayous and swamps. Of course, the stars of the show are all awesome, everyone loves Troy Landry (and Elizabeth ... err, Liz). I just hope there's a few more seasons left in them before it gets too formulaic. 

• Billy the Exterminator (A&E)

When I first heard of this show, I wondered how a show about an exterminator could be entertaining, but I soon found out that there are a lot of vermin and creepy crawlies out there in Louisiana to make for interesting television. Also, "Billy" is just a lot of fun to watch. I mean, the guy dresses up like he's going to an AC/DC show to go out and catch rats and get rid of bed-bugs. But the thing that I really love is when they can return animals to their natural habitat or take them to a nature preserve, instead of just killing them.

• Duck Dynasty (A&E)

I love these people so much. They are a state treasure.

I had no idea that a show centered around a family that made duck calls could be so awesome. Apart from the hunting and shooting and cleaning animals, I want to grow up and be just like Phil and Uncle Sy. They're just so ... zen and present. And just plain hilarious. I think it must come with spending a lot of time in the woods.

And, as a home cook, Miss Kay is my hero. In the very special "Redneck Christmas" episode, Miss Kay convinces her son and his friends (who had had plans to go hunting for the day) to drop everything and put up her Christmas lights, a pretty daunting task. All with the promise of her famous sweet potato pie. At one point, Jase (my personal favorite bearded-one) says, "Never underestimate the power of sweet potato pie" ...

So a few weeks ago, I decided to experiment with Miss Kay's method. I made my husband a sweet potato pie to see what chores around the house he'd do. I think I might need Miss Kay's special recipe because all he did was take out the trash. I was a little more successful a few days ago, however, when I made him ham & cheese crepes. He changed a few light bulbs and took my car to the gas station to put air in the tires. He also cleaned out our cat's litter box, which is pretty much unheard of ... so maybe he's just not a sweet potato pie kinda guy. Ham and cheese crepes it is. Thanks Miss Kay.

Honorable mention:

• Steven Seagal: Lawman

It's not that I really liked the show. I just thought it was hilarious when he'd be fighting crime in Jefferson Parish (where he is liscened to do such things) and then they'd cut to sweeping views of the city of New Orleans (Orleans Parish), the Superdome, the epic skyline ... as if that's where he was actually doing his heroic work. I'd watch an episode and count how many times it was implied that he was fighting crime where he wasn't fighting crime at all.

Reality Wish List:

• Top Chef: New Orleans.

There is a sad lack of reality cooking competition shows in our food-obsessed city. We get an episode here and there or a mention, but to my knowledge there haven't been any full-fledged seasons in the epic culinary city of New Orleans. And I think that's a tragedy.

I'm not sure I understand how Seattle or Texas got a season of "Top Chef" before we did. I know we had a season finale taped here, but that's as far as it's gone. I really hope we get one soon because I would watch the hell out of it ... and one of my friends would probably stalk Tom Colicchio (she thinks he's way hot). And no, my friend is not me. 

• An Idiot Abroad: Louisiana

If you've never seen "An Idiot Abroad", you need to pull up Amazon or Netflix and order/purchase it RIGHT NOW. Or tune into the Science Channel as it's currently airing the third season. It stars Karl Pilkington, the funniest unintentional comedian of our time. Basically, Ricky Gervais and his partner Steven Merchant stick Karl in funny situations around the world and let the cameras roll. What happens is pure comic genius. And in the third season we get the added bonus of Warwick Davis. It's seriously one of the funniest shows on TV.  I know it'll never happen, but it's a fantasy of mine to see Karl Pilkington go to a Mardi Gras parade ... or even put him on one of the super-krewe floats. Or Karl Pilkington at a crawfish boil. Or Karl Pilkington at Jazz Fest. The possibilities for hilarity are endless.

Please let us know what your favorite Louisiana shows are in the comments! Or shows that you might be looking forward to (Real Housewives: New Orleans anyone?)

 

 

Want a cure for the post-holiday blues? Move to New Orleans

Growing up in Columbus, Ohio was pretty cool. We have the possibility of having a "white Christmas" (which is akin to seeing a unicorn in New Orleans) and it gets pretty damn cold... so it actually feels like what Christmas is supposed to feel like. You know, like in the movies. As a kid, you love the snow. As an adult, lots of people grow to hate it because you have to drive in it, clean it off your car in the mornings, shovel it and deal with it. All you hear is people complaining about it, yammering on and on about it all day.

I was never one of those people (until about January 2nd). I was always like... yea snow! I'm twelve years old! Look how puuuurty! I'm gonna take pictures of all the ice and crazy stuff!!

See?

This is from a few years ago.

Snow is really cool at Christmas. But after Christmas? It starts wearing out its welcome. January and February are dreary months up north. It's grey. It snows. It sleets. After New Years, there is nothing to look forward to except spring... and maybe Valentine's day if you're into that sort of thing (i'm not).

Holidays? GOOD. Post-Holidays? BAAAAD. Here's how the holidays used to go for me:

October:  Pretty leaves! Dress up and party, it's Halloween! (my fave holiday)

November:  Thanksgiving... a holiday centered around pumpkin pie. Awesome! And pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks! HEAVEN IN A CUP.

December:  Birthday (PRESENTS!), Christmas (PRESENTS!)

This house is decorated like how I FEEL during Christmas.

It was like, you'd get addicted to holiday-ness, everyone celebrating, being happy to BE ALIVE, MAN... with Christmas being the climax of seasonal cheer and goodwill towards men.

But after you kiss someone on New Year's Eve, sing "Auld Sang Lyne", drink a bottle of champagne and wake up with the worst headache of your life on January 1st... what do you do when you don't have anymore holiday heroin? When there's no more "A Christmas Story" on constant loop anymore ... when there's no more cute holiday commericals like the one where Hershey's Kisses play "Carol of the Bells"?

After you drop all of your New Year's resolutions within a week? What do you do?

You get the post-holiday blues, man.

But all of this changed when I moved to New Orleans.

When Christmas decoractions come down, the Mardi Gras decorations go right up.

Believe it or not, people around here will tell you that it's their favorite time of year, which up north is akin to someone telling you that they love getting the flu.

You barely have enough time to long for the warmth and glee of the holidays... because Twelfth Night comes, the beginning of Carnival season.

Before you know it, the Krewe du Vieux parade is strolling down the street.

And let me just tell you... that Mardi Gras might just be one day, but people down here celebrate for like, a MONTH leading up to it.

By the time the actual day comes around, you're like... really?! Even MORE DRINKING and MERRYMAKING??!!

So, happy Carnival season! Krewe Du Vieux is coming around the corner and it's time to start overdosing on King Cake. I'm ordering my favorite kind today (apple/goat-cheese from The Cake Cafe). 

It's time to look forward to parades and to get excited about catching cheap plastic beads and plastic cups (or fine china). It's time to do a few push ups in order to be ready to pounce on those people trying to catch your shoe at the Muses parade or coconut at Zulu.

So if any of ya'll up north start getting the Jan/Feb blues, come down and visit!! New Orleans will cheer you the hell up!